thursday | jan 4
Jan. 4th, 2018 02:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rielity posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
noyabeansLast night I was going through the Laviyuu tag on AO3 after not having read anything from there in almost half a year. I was just going to tweet about one thing, but that one thing turned into a whole thread about fandom, motivation, and feedback culture. I'm a bit mortified that I actually wrote all of this and posted it on Twitter, since I'm usually much more careful with what I tweet, but anyway. I'm posting it here now, since this is probably the most rational I've been re: fandom in a long time. Some salt, but mostly just me... trying to vent.
I'm super thankful that the Laviyuu tag still has so many writers, new ones especially, and that from what I can see, there's a super good feedback culture going on in there rn despite dgm being such a quiet fandom of late. there was a period of time where there were hardly any updates to the tag, and when there are no new works, that's when a fandom starts to die.
I'm super thankful that the Laviyuu tag still has so many writers, new ones especially, and that from what I can see, there's a super good feedback culture going on in there rn despite dgm being such a quiet fandom of late. there was a period of time where there were hardly any updates to the tag, and when there are no new works, that's when a fandom starts to die.
it also makes me feel less guilty that I haven't written anything proper for them in forever... though my last work for them to date is still by far my favourite. with more creators means more readers means more likelihood of converting a couple of new shippers and maybe creators... this might sound v self-important but knowing that at least one of my ships is sustaining itself without me makes me feel so happy.
I'm trying to do the same for kryk, but sometimes it still feels like I'm yelling into a void, that I need to create all the content I want to read. I'm getting better at ignoring those feelings though, because knowing there are people who look forward to my fics really motivates me.
I won't deny that I've been growing more and more tired of writing kryk, because I just want to /read/ more fic about them that isn't written by me.. but shrugs, can't have the whole world... (that's not the only reason why I'm struggling with writing, but tbh it's a pretty big factor, orz)
but even so, I've met so many great people just through kryk alone. people who told me my fics had a part to play in how they ended up in this rarepair hell, who dont have English as a native language but still make the effort to read my fics anyway (at least 4 of you now!!); people who have gone from just silent readers to becoming my friends. People I can yell at, talk to, scream with. People who scream at me, yell at me, throw virtual rocks at me.
idk. I think. What I want to say is. Laviyuu, wait for me, I'll be back to write for you soon. But for now kryk needs more attention, so that's where I'll be focusing it (I'm also painfully aware that I haven't actually written any kryk since last October, LOL)
I feel nervous posting all this tbh. like it seems ungrateful almost, since I do have other friends writing for the ship. but I don't think it's a stretch for me to say that I'm not the only one who would like to see new people in our tag.
I'm trying to do the same for kryk, but sometimes it still feels like I'm yelling into a void, that I need to create all the content I want to read. I'm getting better at ignoring those feelings though, because knowing there are people who look forward to my fics really motivates me.
I won't deny that I've been growing more and more tired of writing kryk, because I just want to /read/ more fic about them that isn't written by me.. but shrugs, can't have the whole world... (that's not the only reason why I'm struggling with writing, but tbh it's a pretty big factor, orz)
but even so, I've met so many great people just through kryk alone. people who told me my fics had a part to play in how they ended up in this rarepair hell, who dont have English as a native language but still make the effort to read my fics anyway (at least 4 of you now!!); people who have gone from just silent readers to becoming my friends. People I can yell at, talk to, scream with. People who scream at me, yell at me, throw virtual rocks at me.
as someone who has resorted to reading fics in other languages out of sheer desperation I know how challenging it can get and I am constantly amazed. and it's these little things that keep me going so uhh. basically what I want to say, I think, is that creators rely heavily on our audience's support and even if you think your single comment doesn't mean much - it does.
so even when I'm struggling with writing, when I'm tired and I want to stop, i tell myself that I'm not the only one who wants to read my stories. that even if I think I'm writing into the void, I'm not.
I also wanted to note here that I'm terrible at responding to comments... like ACTUALLY TERRIBLE. I ended up stressing myself out a lot over replying comments which is why I... don't do it anymore. It's by no fault of the commenter, just me being weird about shit (just wanted to get that out there because sometimes I feel like commenters think their comments don't matter because the writer doesn't respond... it's honestly nothing of the sort and writers live for any comments, the screaming kind being the best kind) (of course, don't be rude, hateful or demanding. I've never gotten any comments like that, thankfully. my policy is simple: don't like, don't read. no need to take it out on the writer because they aren't forcing you to read it.)
idk. I think. What I want to say is. Laviyuu, wait for me, I'll be back to write for you soon. But for now kryk needs more attention, so that's where I'll be focusing it (I'm also painfully aware that I haven't actually written any kryk since last October, LOL)
I feel nervous posting all this tbh. like it seems ungrateful almost, since I do have other friends writing for the ship. but I don't think it's a stretch for me to say that I'm not the only one who would like to see new people in our tag.
I feel obliged to write more to create that content to get the ship the attention I want it to have, so that more people will fall in love with it and create for it but it's been feeling like hitting a brick wall? Like I've been creating and creating and creating and still don't feel like I'm any closer to fulfilling that objective. (there's a lot of other factors at play, I acknowledge, but...)
having more content from other people = seeing the ship and characters in different ways = more interesting exploration of ship and stuff = more motivation to create more... but when all the content is from you, then you don't get to do that and I think that's what's really bothering me rn because I'm feeling stifled by my own understanding of the ship and all my preconceived headcanons and ideas about them... and with barely anything new in the tag that isn't from the same few culprits (LOL), it's really just... I feel trapped in this endless cycle where I grow more dissatisfied with my own writing because it starts feeling stale.
this is definitely not the first time I've felt like this. in fact, this is another reason why I intentionally took a break from writing Kuroyaku during SASO. I thought taking a break from the ship would help and I'd be able to come back to it with fresh eyes. I don't think that worked out... I've really not written anything for them for too long, and everything I've been writing for them (or been attempting to) ever since feels stressful, tiring and unnecessarily repetitive.
I know I don't have an obligation to write so much for Kryk. I don't have an obligation to force myself to write anything, actually
but if I don't write it, who's going to?
and if I don't write it, who's going to find out about this hell ship?
and if I don't write it, how am I going to get more people to start creating for this hell ship?
it's an endless cycle and frankly, I hate it.
urghh but beyond this, there's a lot of other things involved, like all the problems that come with having a popular ship. the tag is growing - it's at 176 now, and we only posted 99/100 last May - and selfishly, I want the fandom to grow, but I don't want the fandom to become too huge. it's not realistic, but allow me this selfish notion *sweats
because having a large fandom will create a lot of problems in itself (that we are already facing, although on a smaller scale. like popular writers coming in and getting tons more hits and kudos and comments and readers, without actually getting more people into the ship. like gross mischaracterisation and ABO fics that garner more kudos in two months than me and ritz's do in half a year or more. like MORE UNNECESSARY CAMEO RELATIONSHIP TAGS... *THROWS SALT). but I also don't want us few to be the only ones here.
I don't know... it's frustrating. *lies down
this is definitely not the first time I've felt like this. in fact, this is another reason why I intentionally took a break from writing Kuroyaku during SASO. I thought taking a break from the ship would help and I'd be able to come back to it with fresh eyes. I don't think that worked out... I've really not written anything for them for too long, and everything I've been writing for them (or been attempting to) ever since feels stressful, tiring and unnecessarily repetitive.
I know I don't have an obligation to write so much for Kryk. I don't have an obligation to force myself to write anything, actually
but if I don't write it, who's going to?
and if I don't write it, who's going to find out about this hell ship?
and if I don't write it, how am I going to get more people to start creating for this hell ship?
it's an endless cycle and frankly, I hate it.
urghh but beyond this, there's a lot of other things involved, like all the problems that come with having a popular ship. the tag is growing - it's at 176 now, and we only posted 99/100 last May - and selfishly, I want the fandom to grow, but I don't want the fandom to become too huge. it's not realistic, but allow me this selfish notion *sweats
because having a large fandom will create a lot of problems in itself (that we are already facing, although on a smaller scale. like popular writers coming in and getting tons more hits and kudos and comments and readers, without actually getting more people into the ship. like gross mischaracterisation and ABO fics that garner more kudos in two months than me and ritz's do in half a year or more. like MORE UNNECESSARY CAMEO RELATIONSHIP TAGS... *THROWS SALT). but I also don't want us few to be the only ones here.
I don't know... it's frustrating. *lies down
no subject
Date: 2018-01-05 08:37 am (UTC)I'm 200% single-ship so I'm all kryk right now and won't drift unless another ship catches my attention and then it's 200% no more kryk, I know it. It's my fandom pattern XD;;; So don't feel obligated to write kryk if you want to write something else. To be honest, I didn't think I'd write more kryk after I finished Nekoma Blues, and I did work on original stuff for a while, but then. I tried to go back to an old ship except I was still on the kryk ship, oops, and spy AU happened lol.
Clearly the solution is my writing app. SOON (TM).