five past midnight

tried writing again last night while in bed, and I don't know - it's kind of strange because I know that rationally, whatever I'm writing is... solid. it's exactly the same as what I've always been writing.

although I thought my writing block was because of 1) writing unfamiliar characters 2) writing Kuroyaku 3) just general disinterest in writing, I'm starting to think otherwise.

I tried to write Futakuchi, who by all accounts should be an easy character for me to write. I know I wrote him in character, in the five or six paragraphs that I managed to write last night. I know I have a plot outlined in my mind, although not the specifics.

it's exactly the same as what I've always been doing, and even my style was more or less my usual one - although I have to admit it's not the one I usually write Futakuchi in... it's a bit more serious than my usual Futakuchi tone, but it still has Futakuchi's voice carrying across very clearly. 

reading it is fine, but I can't help feeling that something's really lacking in my writing. I'm not enjoying it, and I'm fighting with the words. I've been fighting with the words for the past week! (distressed whale noises)

( more distressed whale noises ) meanwhile, I think I'll try to do some look-backs at my older fics too. might help, or something...

writing is coming slow recently, probably in part because of Real Life (TM) getting in the way. I wrote 84 words on Friday night, and I didn't write at all yesterday. I doubt I'll get much done tonight/today either, because I'm at this part where I need to actually write what's in my mind but the words aren't working with me. surprisingly I'm not too bothered by this total lack of speed, where April-me would have been so antsy and frustrated. I guess I'm also aware that my creativity has more or less plateaued - my writing at work has kind of taken a beating imo, I have been struggling with articles too, so it's not just a fic-thing, it's a writing-thing orz

I'm trying to describe Yaku in this fic from a first-impression POV, and for lack of a better realistic visual I'm using Gotou Takeru, or Yaku's stage play actor. I'm terrible at describing so... let's hope this turns out well lol.

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edit (10.37pm): got another 130 words in last night before I slept, but I'm definitely in a writing rut where nothing I write seems good enough so I stopped pressing it after the words stopped flowing.

didn't continue writing it after I woke up and instead got utterly sidetracked by Mel's Tanafuta (here) for like the sixth time now. except this time, I got inspired to write a continuation from Futakuchi's POV. apparently, I like making Futakuchi suffer because I've written almost 800 words now. I'm still feeling super insecure about the writing but it's fun, so I'm just rolling with the muse as it comes.