>> whichever you you are | tsurune
Dec. 26th, 2018 01:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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noyabeansso I released my first tsurune child out into the wild today... I'm not sure what I think of it yet, because I know the Seikai in my head is a very complicated mixture of anime-Seikai and novel-Seikai and they are nowhere the same, especially Seiya. (Kyoani butchered Seiya's character and Seiya/Minato's relationship so hard I'm angry even though I love watching my favourites suffer I could go on forever about this but I will spare your ears)
anyhow, this was my first fic in third person after having written... six? mdzs fics in second person, so I struggled a lot with the writing and narrative tone. I even had certain lines that were originally written in second person which I changed afterwards to fit the fic...
I didn't want to write second person because truth be told, I haven't found a way into Kaito's head. Kaito sees and understands a lot despite how he acts, and it was very tough trying to find his voice. but I also had all these observations and thoughts about Seiya that I needed to let out somehow and that I am sure Kaito has seen, so tada! we got a riot of a fic.
I set out to explore vulnerability and pickng apart layers in this fic. vulnerability is something I've always been fascinated with exploring in my fics (see: the weight of you) but I rarely manage to do it, or find a way to do it. tsurune gave me the opportunity to do it because in episode 9 we saw Seiya at his most vulnerable and down, and the only person who saw how out of it he was was Kaito.
I will refrain from spiralling into a ship manifesto but the biggest (and one of the only) consistency between the novel and anime is the way that Kaito has always, always been looking at Seiya. at one point in the novel Nanao even says, “Don’t you watch Seiya a lot?” hghghhjsa NANAO KNOWS WHAT'S UP OK
so yeah. episode 9 really, really screwed me up big time; I watched it thrice in a day and by the end of it I just thought - no, he can't walk home in the rain all by himself like that, that's too cruel, he needs someone to see him and piece him back together, or someone to hold him while he shatters. I also really, really loved that episode 10 showed us how much Kaito has been observing Seiya, so much so that not even Minato has noticed the way Seiya has been acting out since prelims ended.(insert rant about kyoani screwing up here)
initially, my plan was for it to be a simple gen-fluff fic where Kaito brought Seiya back home and made sure he kept warm. Seiya was meant to come down with a fever, but then I had no idea what was supposed to happen next. in the end, the story kind of wrote itself into a character/relationship study of Seiya through Kaito's eyes.
much of the revised version of the story came after Ewa gave it a read and told me, "you know, people don't use whistling kettles now" and I was just... "my family literally boils water in pots hajsfhakjshf" LOL. but yeah, it was supposed to be a kettle that whistled, but I had to rewrite that part, so it became something more shippy-gen and brought about a warmer ending that could contrast sharply with the cold way the story starts.
the whole deal about Kaito reaching out and touching Seiya was 100% unplanned until 5 hours before I posted the fic lol. I kept it because it marks the start of something changing between them - one of my greatest beef with the anime at this point is that literally nobody has actually reached out to Seiya as Seiya and expressed any concern for him. not him as the club president but him as a person, as a friend. the boy is virtually left on his own with all those thoughts and memories and not a single outlet for release.
part of the problem, of course, comes from the fact that he shuts himself off so well that nobody even sees that there's a problem in the first place. the second part is that nobody knows how to approach him even after they see that something's wrong.
but Kaito is Kaito, he's brusque and blunt and to the point; he's so honest, and his sense of right and wrong is so strong that he wears everything on his sleeve. he will respect Seiya's space, but he will reach out if he thinks it is the right thing to do. if anyone were to reach Seiya, it would definitely, definitely be Kaito.
and I think for all that Seiya is sharp and snarky towards Kaito, he truly respects Kaito and sees how trustworthy Kaito is. if there's anyone on the team that Seiya will show his vulnerability to, I genuinely think it will only be Kaito. he's not close enough to Nanao, and Ryouhei is... well... Ryouhei... and he believes he needs to be strong in front of Minato, for Minato's sake. he will never show his vulnerabilities in front of Minato until pushed to the brink, and even then I doubt he will explain what is on his mind.
and like the change in temperature from the start to end of the fic, him actually touching Seiya that way, with so much care and worry, is a stark parallel to the distance they hold between them for most of it, and the way he grabs Seiya and keeps him sheltered with that same kind of care and worry, just more forecefully, at the start of the fic. it was a nice development that I didn't really grow aware of until I had finished the whole thing, and it's something I believe will trigger a change in their friendship, whether shippy or not. Seiya will realise that there's someone there, watching him; Kaito will realise there is someone for him to look out for, to protect.
the last line of the fic sums up my thoughts re: Kaito -> Seiya in a nutshell, really: If Seiya is watching Minato’s back, then someone must watch his, and Kaito will take it upon himself to be his guard.
also! I was looking for a song for this fic when it suddenly hit me that Life is Full of Goodbyes was the perfect song. it's a song that's literally about sharing your weaknesses and your sorrows, and wanting to accept another person's burdens and bear them with them regardless. that's exactly how Seiya & Kaito are in my head and the moment it clicked into place I was just *prayer hands*.
PS. I WAS DELIGHTED TO DISCOVER THAT SEIYA AND KAITO HAVE A 3CM HEIGHT DIFFERENCE BECAUSE CLOTHES SHARING!!!!!!! IT CAN HAPPEN!!!!!! (it does happen!!! Seiya wears Kaito's sweater!!! BLESS!!!)
tl;dr:
I really love Seikai I love them so much I don't know what to do with myself so this was just my way of letting it all out however haphazard it ended up being. I don't understand why it's a rarepair everyone please read the novel the novel does Seiya and Seikai and Minato so much more justice aaaaaaaaaaa why do I end up needing to water my own crops every fandom I get into do I need to do a ship manifesto to get more people on board with me*devolves into frantic muttering
anyhow, this was my first fic in third person after having written... six? mdzs fics in second person, so I struggled a lot with the writing and narrative tone. I even had certain lines that were originally written in second person which I changed afterwards to fit the fic...
I didn't want to write second person because truth be told, I haven't found a way into Kaito's head. Kaito sees and understands a lot despite how he acts, and it was very tough trying to find his voice. but I also had all these observations and thoughts about Seiya that I needed to let out somehow and that I am sure Kaito has seen, so tada! we got a riot of a fic.
I set out to explore vulnerability and pickng apart layers in this fic. vulnerability is something I've always been fascinated with exploring in my fics (see: the weight of you) but I rarely manage to do it, or find a way to do it. tsurune gave me the opportunity to do it because in episode 9 we saw Seiya at his most vulnerable and down, and the only person who saw how out of it he was was Kaito.
I will refrain from spiralling into a ship manifesto but the biggest (and one of the only) consistency between the novel and anime is the way that Kaito has always, always been looking at Seiya. at one point in the novel Nanao even says, “Don’t you watch Seiya a lot?” hghghhjsa NANAO KNOWS WHAT'S UP OK
so yeah. episode 9 really, really screwed me up big time; I watched it thrice in a day and by the end of it I just thought - no, he can't walk home in the rain all by himself like that, that's too cruel, he needs someone to see him and piece him back together, or someone to hold him while he shatters. I also really, really loved that episode 10 showed us how much Kaito has been observing Seiya, so much so that not even Minato has noticed the way Seiya has been acting out since prelims ended.
initially, my plan was for it to be a simple gen-fluff fic where Kaito brought Seiya back home and made sure he kept warm. Seiya was meant to come down with a fever, but then I had no idea what was supposed to happen next. in the end, the story kind of wrote itself into a character/relationship study of Seiya through Kaito's eyes.
much of the revised version of the story came after Ewa gave it a read and told me, "you know, people don't use whistling kettles now" and I was just... "my family literally boils water in pots hajsfhakjshf" LOL. but yeah, it was supposed to be a kettle that whistled, but I had to rewrite that part, so it became something more shippy-gen and brought about a warmer ending that could contrast sharply with the cold way the story starts.
the whole deal about Kaito reaching out and touching Seiya was 100% unplanned until 5 hours before I posted the fic lol. I kept it because it marks the start of something changing between them - one of my greatest beef with the anime at this point is that literally nobody has actually reached out to Seiya as Seiya and expressed any concern for him. not him as the club president but him as a person, as a friend. the boy is virtually left on his own with all those thoughts and memories and not a single outlet for release.
part of the problem, of course, comes from the fact that he shuts himself off so well that nobody even sees that there's a problem in the first place. the second part is that nobody knows how to approach him even after they see that something's wrong.
but Kaito is Kaito, he's brusque and blunt and to the point; he's so honest, and his sense of right and wrong is so strong that he wears everything on his sleeve. he will respect Seiya's space, but he will reach out if he thinks it is the right thing to do. if anyone were to reach Seiya, it would definitely, definitely be Kaito.
and I think for all that Seiya is sharp and snarky towards Kaito, he truly respects Kaito and sees how trustworthy Kaito is. if there's anyone on the team that Seiya will show his vulnerability to, I genuinely think it will only be Kaito. he's not close enough to Nanao, and Ryouhei is... well... Ryouhei... and he believes he needs to be strong in front of Minato, for Minato's sake. he will never show his vulnerabilities in front of Minato until pushed to the brink, and even then I doubt he will explain what is on his mind.
and like the change in temperature from the start to end of the fic, him actually touching Seiya that way, with so much care and worry, is a stark parallel to the distance they hold between them for most of it, and the way he grabs Seiya and keeps him sheltered with that same kind of care and worry, just more forecefully, at the start of the fic. it was a nice development that I didn't really grow aware of until I had finished the whole thing, and it's something I believe will trigger a change in their friendship, whether shippy or not. Seiya will realise that there's someone there, watching him; Kaito will realise there is someone for him to look out for, to protect.
the last line of the fic sums up my thoughts re: Kaito -> Seiya in a nutshell, really: If Seiya is watching Minato’s back, then someone must watch his, and Kaito will take it upon himself to be his guard.
also! I was looking for a song for this fic when it suddenly hit me that Life is Full of Goodbyes was the perfect song. it's a song that's literally about sharing your weaknesses and your sorrows, and wanting to accept another person's burdens and bear them with them regardless. that's exactly how Seiya & Kaito are in my head and the moment it clicked into place I was just *prayer hands*.
PS. I WAS DELIGHTED TO DISCOVER THAT SEIYA AND KAITO HAVE A 3CM HEIGHT DIFFERENCE BECAUSE CLOTHES SHARING!!!!!!! IT CAN HAPPEN!!!!!! (it does happen!!! Seiya wears Kaito's sweater!!! BLESS!!!)
tl;dr:
I really love Seikai I love them so much I don't know what to do with myself so this was just my way of letting it all out however haphazard it ended up being. I don't understand why it's a rarepair everyone please read the novel the novel does Seiya and Seikai and Minato so much more justice aaaaaaaaaaa why do I end up needing to water my own crops every fandom I get into do I need to do a ship manifesto to get more people on board with me*devolves into frantic muttering
